Mama Mondays - Sometimes You Don't Get to Eat, and That's Okay

Some days, like today, I feel a little guilty where for whatever reasons, my kids are just really annoying me. Please tell me I'm not the only one whose kids sometimes just annoy you. I think a large part of it is that I'm not sleeping well (insomnia), again, so I'm extremely tired and on edge. Every little noise or whine, asking me to kiss his finger that isn't really hurt, crying because he can't stay in their room while I put the baby down for a nap, being cranky and a little rude to kids at the park, sleeping only 30 minutes because of teething ... enough already!
Playing with the "pretties" I keep just for him.
Some days, like today, I feel like I cannot even think a clear thought, because there are two little people constantly crying, whining, yelling, and just being their cute but sometimes annoying little selves. My four month old is going through ... something. I'm not sure. The past two weeks when we have had a babysitter, he has been tired, cranky and cried most of the time we were gone, because he wants one person and one person only: Mom. I know I should feel special, and of course, I do, but this makes things difficult. We're not gone for long, an hour and a half at the most. I find myself feeling annoyed with my baby, because heaven forbid I'm away from him for at least two hours. He will not take a bottle, just chews on it and acts like he doesn't know what the heck to do with it, so yes, I am on a very, very tight leash. I keep telling myself in the whole scheme of my life, it is a small time for me to be on this short leash, that before I know it, he will be weaned and eating real food. I truthfully know this and know how fast the first year, looking back, seems to fly by. But when you're in the middle of it and you're at home all day, every day, with two little people and the highlight of your whole week is running errands by yourself for TWO WHOLE HOURS, well, that feels a little sad at times.
Willem and Sophie doing tummy time together.
But some days, like today, I had a little wake up call from my little pity party. I chose to have this baby, right? Right. I know the realities of having and taking care of a baby, because I've had one before, although, I've never had more than one child at a time, so I'm still trying to figure that all out.
Chillaxing with Dad
I found myself feeling annoyed, again, because my poor teething, tired, cranky baby only slept for 30 minutes, again. I was finishing feeding lunch to my older son, trying to hurry and get him down for his nap so I could actually eat something today. I had thoughts running through my head, like this; "I just want to eat. Is it okay with you guys if I just eat, after I've spent the last six hours feeding and taking care of both of you? Please, for the love of all that is holy, let this mama eat!!!"

I went in, tried to soothe and calm down my sweet little baby. He of course immediately stopped crying the second I picked him up and snuggled right into me (so sweet). Problem is, of course, I still had to get the older one down for his nap, so, baby had to be put back down. The second I did, he started wailing.

I went in to change Jack and read him his nap time story. While I was changing him, he could tell I was annoyed. He said, "It's okay mom, sometimes babies cry, and that's okay." (This is something we have said to him). I can always count on my wise little Jack to pull me out of myself, well, a lot.

I looked down at him and smiled and said, "You're right sweets, sometimes babies cry, and that's okay." I explained to him that his brother's mouth hurt and that is why he was crying a lot lately. I asked him, "When you're sick, who is it that you want to hold you and take care of you?" He looked me right in the eye, pointed at me and said, "You." "Right, Mom. Brother just wants his mommy to hold him, because he's sad and doesn't feel good, and needs some love. That's what mommy does a lot of the time. That's what I'm here for, to hold you guys and love you and make you feel better."

Fortunately, my poor baby is so tired, that after going back in to hold him for a few minutes two more times, he has been asleep for the past hour. I realize that they go through so many changes and growing in just one year, I'd cry too if I were them!

So thanks to my funny little Jack, for shutting down my pity party today and reminding me that I am their mother, that is my first job, they come first, sometimes I don't get to eat for six hours, most of the time I don't get to sleep because I lie awake at night full of thoughts about them that my brain won't shut down, there really isn't a whole lot of separation from them ... and that's okay. Because some day, they won't snuggle right into me when they're sick or sad, they won't just want their mom, they may want nothing to do with me at times, and they'll grow up and have lives of their own.

Nothing is perfect. My baby is wailing upstairs now; nap time is over. Gotta go! :)
Love these two
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The Dwelling Tree


Kimberly said…
I have had all these feelings!! It felt like I was reading my own post!

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