It's The Little Things, Love
It had been a long, long day; a day full of cleaning up and putting away toys that magically reappear all over the carpet and my bed ten minutes later, a day full of wiping hands and faces, wiping away tears, wiping, wiping, wiping bare behinds, holding, rocking, hugging, kissing, cleaning,
... eating chocolate chips from my pantry during my bliss time, nap time ...
and doing more and more and more of the above, until finally, at 8:00, one child down, one to go.
Brent took the baby and was busy upstairs with him, playing and getting him ready for bed. I took the 20 minutes I had left to clean up the kitchen, let the cat go play outside, empty the garbage, water the flowers ... and sit on my front steps to view the last remaining moments of daylight.
While I sat there, my brain ringing from all of the thoughts and activity and chaos it is bombarded with all day, I heard the ringing dissipate, as I looked up at the beautiful pink and blue sky, the huge puffy white clouds, the golden setting sun, glancing to my right at the big, rocky, majestic mountains that are always right outside my door.
I felt my soul take a breath. I felt my spirit ease up on the tension it always seems to carry, and felt my body relax into the concrete beneath me. I knew all I had was five minutes, before I had to go back in and nurse and get #2 into bed. But five minutes was enough, out of my long, long day, to sit, slow down, look, and realize everything I have to be grateful for.
"It's the little things, love." A line I say over and over in my head from the show Call the Midwife, where a very poor, old man who lives in a tiny little house made mostly out of chicken wire and plaster, sits in his lawn chair among his grapevines and beautiful garden, watching the sun set. He doesn't have much, but he knows, "It's the little things, love."
And it is the little things, like a 5 minute sunset at the end of the day all by myself, that balance out the routine craziness of the rest of the day; the little things that remind me I am me, Suzie, not just mommy (which is a title I am happy to have, don't get me wrong).
At the end of the day, when I have 5 minutes to think to myself, it is the little things, love.