Catching Up

It's been a couple of weeks since I last wrote anything. My Little Buddy was really sick for about 2 1/2 weeks, which took every ounce of energy I had to take care of him and try to figure out what the heck was wrong with him. I still don't really know. All of his tests came back negative, but since I switched him to soy milk this past week, he's been a lot better. I'm thinking that the whole milk is just way too much for his little body to handle.

In any case, I'm happy he's doing better. I on the other hand, have not been too hot. Things haven't been bad by any means. From the outside looking in, I have a fantastic life. Lately though I've just been feeling down, for a lot of reasons.

As I've written about before, this last year has had its exihlerating ups and downs becoming a mother for the first time and therefore quitting my job and becoming a stay at home mom. I still miss teaching probably almost every day, but I just really don't want to teach full time either. I don't even want to teach part time. The ideal situation would be to teach two classes a day. Of course, that is pretty near impossible to find.

I feel fulfilled in a lot of ways staying at home with my son. There is honestly no where else I would rather be day in and day out. But I still miss the relationships I had with coworkers and students. Teaching is my passion, plain and simple, and so I feel very incomplete not doing it. I teach private piano, violin, and voice lessons from my home, but only have four students and as much as I do enjoy that, it just really doesn't compare to teaching a group of students about the Arts or Theatre. That is where my heart really, truly lies.

So I've been trying to figure out lately ways to 'fill my cup' so to speak, but still be able to stay at home with my son and enjoy this life I've made for myself in the last year. My husband found a job posting to teach a theatre class at a girls' school/treatment center. It was only two nights a week and I was PUMPED! I applied for the job, which required completely writing a new resume, since I haven't had to write one for four years now, asking former co-workers to write some supportive things and one who wrote a very nice letter of recommendation. I didn't get the job; it had already been filled.

I was pretty sad about it, but, life goes on. I had written to two local orchestras seeing if they had any violin openings, because I also greatly enjoy playing in a symphony and have missed it. I figured if I at least had that to do one night a week, it would be perfect. I'd get out one night a week and still do something I really love.

I had also found another posting, to teach a theatre class at a dance company to children 8-12. I actually ended up interviewing for it on Friday night and am extremely excited about it. I'll find out tomorrow (Monday) if I got it or not. I know I'm probably jinxing myself by writing about it, but I'm too excited not to. I would basically be building a chilren's theatre from the ground up, working to do at least two productions a year with the kids. It is only one night a week for an hour. It's perfect. I'd be doing what I love to do (granted with kids younger than I'm used to, but it's still good), it's not during the day, and I can get out one night a week.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, in case it doesn't happen. I honestly think that if it doesn't turn out, it's for the best. I'm still going to play in one of the symphonies and my most important priority in my life right now is my little family. But ... I'd sure be thrilled if it turned out in my favor!

On the other side, I've gained what feels like 10 pounds in a month and half! I've been extremely down about that lately. I was fortunate in that for the 11 1/2 months that I nursed my son, I completely lost all of my pregnancy weight, and then some. But, one of my good friends, who had the same thing happen for her, warned me that as soon as she weaned her son, she put on about ten pounds. That is exactly what has happened. It's probably been more like 8 pounds, but really, what's the difference between 8 and 10?

I've been trying to exercise regularly, even trying to jog again, but the eating part is always the hardest part for me. I just have the biggest sweet tooth. I feel like I need to have something sweet after both lunch and dinner. Then I also feel like I want something sweet once I get my son down for a nap or asleep at night. That's my moment of relaxation.

I know, I know, I'm not an idiot; just stop shoving junk in your face Suzie! No duh! But it's more difficult than that for me. I know if Jillian Michaels were here she'd probably say something like, "No, it really is that easy. Now DO IT!" Maybe that should be my new slogan or saying in my head when I'm tempted to eat something bad; "DO IT!" or rather, "DON'T DO IT!" In any case, I'm still trying to find my mojo in that department. I was looking on facebook this afternoon and there was an advertisement on the side bar advertising plus size clothing for women, sizes 10-20. Since when did a size 10 be considered plus size?!?

I will be completely honest here and admit that I am 5'4 and in a size 10 right now. I was in an 8 before I got pregnant, probably more realistically a 9, if they made that size for women (I hate being in between a size). I honestly feel my absolute best at a size 8. I think I'm too thin at a 6. That was my college girl self. In any case, it made me angry. I do not consider myself to be plus sized. Yes, I need to tone it up, get rid of some fat, my small gut/muffin top. But I don't think I'm plus sized. I do want to be healthy. I actually eat very, very well. It's just that on top of the eating very well and exercising, I love my sweets, so I negate everything positive that I try to do.

Oh well. In other news, I have been having a good time with my Little Buddy. He's really into pushing his toy truck up and down the block and playing on the hammock. That is probably my favorite time of the day. We go out in the backyard and chillax on the hammock. He rolls and crawls all over it and me, but then eventually lies down next to me and we look up into the tree branches. We laugh and have a good time and he's fascinated by my teeth, tongue, and nose lately. He cracks me up. We go on a lot of jogs and walks, which thankfully he loves. He loves to be outside, so I'm not quite sure what we're going to do when winter comes. That's a problem for future Suzie.

In any case, my Buddy is feeling better, I'm feeling better, and my goal is to stop eating my beloved sweets so much. Here's to hoping. Here are some pictures of what we've been up to these past two weeks.

Visiting ducks at the park.

This giant goose freaked me out. It was huge! We fed it goldfish crackers, since that's all I had.

It is kind of cute, isn't it?

Playing with put-put at the park. There's a lot of free space to roam!

On our favorite new trail last Saturday morning. I do love the Fall.

Dad and son enjoying some time in the yard, eating snacks.


in the coop said…
Glad you stopped in to update us. I've been wondering how you were doing. Glad Buddy is feeling better. And good luck on the job. It is important to find something independent of the family, but it is so hard to find just the right something to fit.
Suzie Q said…
Thank you! It's been a crazy September. Looking forward to a somewhat milder October and hopefully sick-free!
So sorry to hear that the little guy was sick. THAT is never fun. I agree with the work/stay home situation. I had the opportunity to work part time when both kids were born (two separate employers). It would have been the perfect situation, but we just couldn't swing it financially. While I like the interaction of my job, I so wish I could be home with my kids. It's so hard to find that balance...if we ever do.

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